No One Said It Would Be This Hard
by EternalConfusion
Summary: JATE - AU, diverges post kiss. Jack's hurt, so naturally Kate's worried. Except this time, she's more worried than she's ever been before. Be warned: It's super stickily, sugary fluff like.


**Disclaimer**: Uh...do I look like I own Lost? No don't think so. I own very little. Boo.

**A/N**: _I just found this collecting virtual dust, can't believe I've had it for so long and it's not been put up. Seriously, I wrote this forever ago! I think I planned on doing like a sequel/two-shot thing, but it's been so long that it's most likely not gonna happen. Writing's kind of disenchanted me recently, I've had a huge lack of inspiration, but if you have a request, send it my way!_

_Gosh, it really was written a zillion years ago – I'm talking about caves. I guess I'm just a cave Jater...thinks of Jack's bare back in the caves – swoon_

* * *

Kate's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped in horror and the tears refused to stop. She looked up at Sun, feeling helpless and vulnerable; she refused to return her gaze to Jack's body. She'd helped stitch up the nasty gash on his arm, but it had needed more stitches and she was scared, so scared, because he'd been unconscious the whole time.

"Jack…" She whispered, as if it would wake him up, bring him back to her.

"He'll be okay, Kate." Sun promised, but Kate shook her head, and swiped furiously at the tears as she felt her stomach lurch.

"His breathing's funny." Kate told her.

"He'll be fine, I can sort it out." Sun told her, as she pushed up from the ground.

"I…I…" She put her hand to her stomach, "I can't." She said and ran out of the medical tent, which had a tarp pulled up around it so that nobody could see what was happening. Jack had put up the tarp just weeks before the twins had been born, adamant that he wouldn't let his children see what went on in that cave. That if he couldn't shelter them from the horrors of the rest of the world; then at least he could keep them from seeing what the island could do to the remaining survivors.

Kate ran to a secluded, sheltered part of the jungle, not too far from the caves, before she collapsed to the ground, her hands and knees holding her weakened body up.

She threw up four times. The first for the pain she was feeling, for all the blood she'd seen in that afternoon. The second and third times, for the fear taking over her body; counting to five had stopped working the second she'd seen him limp back to the caves, and into his medical cave, where she'd darted after him, and he'd shortly fallen unconscious, only telling her she needed to sew him up.

The fourth time she knew why she'd thrown up, it was for the same reason that she'd thrown up that morning.

"I know…I don't like it either." She whispered, still trying to fight back her tears, as she leant back against a tree, drawing her knees up to her chin, her hand held protectively over her stomach. "Oh God." She gasped in realisation.

_He doesn't know._ Jack didn't know. He had to wake up, had to be okay, had to survive, because she needed him. She needed to tell him that she was carrying their third child, and that she was still scared by it, she needed her fiancée (he'd proposed when she'd told him about the twins) to comfort her, tell her everything would be okay, and that they could bring up three children on this godforsaken, pile of crap, island. She needed him to be their father, to be their friend, to be their doctor. She needed him to be with her, to deliver their unborn baby. She needed him. She needed him, and she didn't have a reason, for why she needed him so badly. She just loved him.

Slowly Kate walked back to the caves, her hand still protectively holding her stomach, her eyes trained on the ground, refusing to look up. Just in case. She knew that if it wasn't for the girls, and for the child she was carrying, then if he died, she would do too. In a poetic, Romeo and Juliet type way. She'd use one of those remaining three bullets to follow him, without a heartbeat, without a doubt; if it wasn't for her children. She couldn't leave them motherless and fatherless, no matter how bad she would feel if she didn't still have him.

"Jack…" She whispered, walking back into the cave, pulling the tarp shut, still refusing to look at him.

"Kate?" Sun asked. "Are you okay?"

"Jack…how's Jack?" She asked Sun, finally allowing her eyes to settle on him.

"He's doing fine." Sun told her with a small smile.

"Then I'll be okay." Kate smiled weakly, crossing to Jack's side. "When will he wake up?" Kate asked her Korean friend.

"I'm sorry, I don't know." Sun told her, "but he's doing better, as stable as he can be out here."

"Okay." Kate sighed, placing her hand on top of his, and rubbing slow circles on it.

"Would you like me to leave you alone?" Sun asked a distraught Kate.

"Please." She nodded. "But, can you keep Issy and Rey away." Kate looked back down at Jack. "I don't want them to see their Daddy like this."

"I'll make sure they stay away." Sun promised. "I'll be back in a while to see how he's doing."

"Thank you Sun." Kate said, as Sun turned to leave.

"I'm just glad I can help." She smiled and left the two lovers alone.

Kate returned her attention back to Jack, and let out a small whimper. Keeping his hand in hers, she laid down beside him, watching him intensely. Cautiously she stretched out her free hand, and caressed his cheek, giving him a soft kiss, before resting her hand on his chest.

"Hey, sweetie…it's me, Kate. I'm here – it's me, your Katie." Kate spoke softly to him, needing something to break the terrifying silence. "I'm scared Jack, really scared; and I need you to wake up and tell me that you're going to be okay, that everything is going to be okay. I need you to wake up Jack, because I need you by my side, not lying here in a bed. I need you by my side, because I love you." She kissed his chest. "I love you Jack, I love you." She said, and rested her head on his chest.

"Jack." She spoke again, minutes later. "Jack honey, I need you to wake up. For Isabella and Reyna, for me…for…for…because I've got something to tell you. It's good news." She smiled and held his hand on her belly. "I want to tell you now, so badly…but I won't, I want you to be awake when I tell you. I want to see your brown eyes dance, and I want to see your grin." Kate sighed. "You have to wake up, I need you, we need you, me and your children, we need you, Jack. You have to wake up; you have to be okay, because I can't do this without you. I can't live without you, Jack." Kate said, kissing his still lips. "I love you."

Kate stood; her back against the cave wall. This wasn't meant to happen. Jack wasn't meant to get hurt, ever. He was her hero, her rock; he was always there, and if anyone, or anything needed fixing he'd be the one that knew what to do, and he'd get to work straight away, but he couldn't now. Love wasn't meant to hurt so much. It wasn't meant to be easy, but it wasn't meant to be this hard! Kate growled in frustration as she slammed her fists against the wall. "I can't do this, I can't do this." She said, and slipped to the floor.

Kate pulled her knees up to her chin, and stared ahead at Jack's still body. She was looking at him, but her eyes had a distant, vacant look, like she wasn't really there. Because she wasn't.

It had been five years, five years since the crash, and nobody was coming. They'd all given up hope years ago, but now, more than ever before, Kate wished that somebody was coming, so that they could help her, so that they could help Jack.

If only Kate had been around the caves that morning, instead of at the beach, with the twins. If she'd have been there, she could have stopped him going out into the jungle. She could have stopped him from falling, from gashing his arm, and twisting his ankle. She could have stopped him. She should have been at the caves, she should have stopped him! Then he wouldn't be like this, there, but not really there. Alive, but barely. Sleeping, but refusing to wake up.

She remembered all the events of the past five years vividly.

* * *

It had all started about three weeks after she apologized to him for kissing him, and he'd said he wasn't. She hadn't had a chance to properly talk to him since then, and truth been told, she hadn't tried too hard, because she'd been avoiding him.

"Is it true?" She asked him as he sat, silently beside her. "Is it true, what you said?"

"About what?" He asked her, not entirely sure of what she was saying.

"When I said I was sorry for the kiss, you said 'I'm Not', is that true?" She asked looking into his deep, dark eyes.

"I'm not sorry about it Kate, I just wish I'd run after you."

"Hmm." She looked down in the sand. "I lied."

"When?" He asked her.

"When I said I was sorry for kissing you." She said as a tear escaped her eyes.

"I'm not sorry for kissing you, and I know I should have stayed, so that we could talk…but…"

"What Kate, what's wrong?" He asked gently.

"I got scared." Kate admitted. "Not of you…of my feelings. I don't feel like this a lot, and when I do; it ends badly. I don't want it to end badly, so I thought that I shouldn't have started it." She sighed.

"You don't have to be scared, Kate. I'm not going to leave if you don't want me to." He told her.

"I…I…I don't understand." She finally said.

"I like you Kate. And if you chose to let me be here for you, then I won't hurt you, and I won't leave you." He smiled warmly at her.

"You don't know that." She stated simply, turning to face him.

"I'd never intentionally hurt you Kate, you know that."

Kate sighed, and nodded her end. "I know." Jack smiled as he pulled Kate into his arms and softly kissed her head.

"I should thank you." Kate told him.

"What for?" He asked her as she leant her head on his shoulder.

"For always being here." She tipped her head back and smiled at him. "You're so good to me, when no-one else would be, you were there. Always there, Jack, like no-one else ever was. Thank you, Jack. Even in the dark I still see you." She bit her lip as her eyes sparkled of the unspoken truths behind her words.

"Anytime." He said kissing her forehead. "I think you deserve at least that much, Kate."

"I used to think so too." She said, her eyes misting over, and Jack pulled her closer to him. "I used to think I deserved to be happy, and to be cared for, even loved…"

"You do." Jack told her firmly.

"I'm not so sure." Kate shook her head. "I learnt…I learnt, early on that I didn't deserve it. That I didn't deserve what I wanted, and that I wouldn't get it." Kate admitted, blinking back the tears, as she'd let him in deeper than she'd done before.

"You do Kate, you deserve everything you want, and whatever you want…if I can help you get it, you know I will." Jack promised her.

"Thank you, Jack." Kate whispered; her head resting on his shoulder, as tears fell from her closed eyes.

* * *

It was such a long time ago now, but Kate could remember the day she finally let him in so clearly.

Looking back over at Jack, Kate smiled slowly, thankful that he was, at least, still alive, and breathing, if unconscious. Kate moved towards him again, and sat crossed legged, at his side, intently watching him for the slightest change. Nothing.

Kate looked up when Sun came in, and smiled weakly saying "Nothing."

"The girls are asking for you." Sun informed Kate, and for a moment Kate looked torn between the love of her life, and her beautiful children, before nodding.

"Will you watch him?" Kate asked, slowly standing, keeping her eyes on him.

"Of course." Sun nodded. "I'll let you know if he changes."

Kate nodded before leaving the cave and going off in search of her daughters.

"Mommy!" Kate heard Reyna squeal excitedly, before she even saw her girls.

"Hey baby." Kate smiled scooping the younger of the twins into her arms, as she spotted Issy sitting in the corner of the cave, hugging a bear they had found with her thumb stuck firmly in her mouth.

As Reyna babbled in Kate's ear, Kate crossed the cave to her other daughter, the quieter one of the two.

"Hi, Issy; you okay?" She asked, crouching down and smoothing Issy's soft brown curls. Issy looked up at Kate with wide eyes before giving her mother a small smile and a nod. "You going to talk to me, hun?" Kate asked gaining a shake of her daughter's head, and Kate couldn't help but laugh softly.

Kate placed Reyna on the floor as she started to wriggle and squirm; she then enveloped her arms around Issy and placed her on her lap so that the toddler was looking up at Kate.

"Now, I know Rey talks enough for the both of you, but sweetie, I like to hear your beautiful voice too, okay?" Kate told her daughter.

"Okay." Issy nodded.

"That's better." Kate sighed, kissing Issy's forehead, as she began tickling her, inducing the sweet laugh that was still like music to her ears.

They'd never had a problem with Reyna, she was fairly easy…or maybe that's because she was so much like Kate. She was adventurous and daring, loud, talkative and would always let you know what she was after. Isabella however, had always been much quieter, and reserved, Kate almost felt alienated by her own daughter at first, because they were so different. Although now, Kate was less concerned she'd been so scared during the first few months, year even. She was so quiet, even as she was born, and Kate had panicked as Jack had held the newborn close, encouraging her to breathe and cry as she should. Being the hero he was, Jack had managed to get the baby screaming, and Kate had never felt so relieved. As the twins grew older, Kate noticed that Issy was constantly a lot quieter, and when she asked Jack if it could have anything to do with the birth, he has assured her that it hadn't, that she just wasn't as loud as her sister, or even her mother, to which she'd smiled.

Reyna decided she was feeling left out, she walked back over to Kate and plonked herself on Kate's lap next to her sister, and smiled. With both daughters on her lap, Kate let herself remember the day she told Jack about her pregnancy and he proposed.

* * *

"Tired?" Jack asked sweeping back Kate's hair as she lay on the sand, her head rested on his legs.

"Just comfy." She smiled.

"I'm glad." He said leaning down to kiss her softly.

The happy couple sat in silence for a while. Kate looking up at Jack lovingly, as he gazed out to sea, taking in the beauty of the island. He let out a small laugh.

"What?" She asked him.

"Nothing." He shook his head. "It's weird, is all. I mean, this island. It's just kind of funny that it took crashing here to find everything I've been looking for." He smiled at her.

"Really?"

"Really." He nodded.

"Jack?" She asked him hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me something I don't know?" She asked him sweetly, as she took his hand in to hers.

"Uh…what don't you know?" He laughed. "Lets see…you know I was married before?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"I don't think I really wanted to get married to her." He sighed. "I spent the night before our wedding, with my feet dangled into the pool, with a bottle of alcohol when I should have been writing my vows."

"Really?" She asked; her eyes wide.

"Uh-huh." He nodded, "It was a bit weird, to be honest. I was playing the piano later on, and she came down in her pajamas and sat beside me and she still looked cute. And I felt so guilty, so unworthy of her. I'd even stolen her vows, and I still couldn't write. And she came and sat beside me, told me she couldn't wait to marry me…and I was just…I felt so empty, so wrong. Because, I couldn't write my damn vows!" He laughed ironically. "Looking back now; I think that I only asked her because I fixed her, and I liked seeing the light in her eyes that I brought to them. But I didn't love her, I didn't know how to love, I think, part of me hoped that she'd teach me. But she couldn't, I worked all the time, to avoid going home and seeing her. I know I should have backed out before it got too late, but I couldn't, I couldn't disappoint her like that. And so I told her; that I hadn't fixed her, that she'd fixed me, because I'd hoped she would. But she didn't."

"Oh…Jack…" Kate said, tears welling in her eyes as she brought her hand to his cheek, gently caressing it.

"It's okay." Jack smiled. "Because I met you…and you did it, you fixed me, when I didn't think I needed to be fixed. You've taught me how to love." He bowed down and kissed her temple. "I love you, Kate."

"Love you too. You're wrong though; you taught me how to love, I swear." She smiled up at him.

"I guess we just found each other at the right time."

"Yeah." Kate smiled.

"So, your turn." Jack reminded her.

"Huh?" Kate frowned.

"Tell me something I don't know." He squeezed her hand.

Kate's eyes glinted mischievously as she looked up at Jack. "There's a lot you don't know about me."

"And don't I know it."

"But…I've got one. A good one." She told him, nodding slightly.

"What?" Jack probed.

"Uhhh…" Kate bit her lip. "You're someone's Daddy…" She breathed in deeply, "Well, technically not yet, but soon." She told him.

"What?" He asked, his eyebrows raised, eyes wide, and the beginnings of a smile on his lips. "You mean…"

Kate took his hand in hers and rested it on her stomach. "This…" She said, "Is our baby." She smiled, "I'm pregnant Jack."

"You're pregnant?" He asked her, as he looked out into the ocean.

"Yeah…I'm fairly certain…but not, like 100..." She looked up at him, and noticed his far off look. "Do you mind, Jack?"

He returned his attention to her and shook his head, laughing. "You're beautiful." He told her.

"Meaning?" She prodded.

"Meaning our children are going to the most beautiful children." He smiled. "I'm happy Kate; I love you…so much." He leant down to capture her lips.

"Hmm…wait, children?" She asked alarmed.

"One day, eventually, after we're married." He mused. "Will you?"

"Will I what?" She asked, slightly apprehensive.

"I love you so much, Kate. You know I'd do anything for you, to stop you feeling any pain." He smiled. "When, if we get off this island, I want you to come with me, I want you to live with me; I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'll do whatever it takes." He kissed her forehead. "So will you?" He asked and she raised her eyebrows at him. "Will you Kate, will you make me the happiest man ever? Will you marry me Kate?" He asked her.

"What?" She asked sitting up, surprised.

"Will you marry me?" He asked her again.

"Marry you? Jack…" She bit her lip as tears threatened to fall. "Don't do this to me…you know I can't."

"You can." He told her.

"I can't, not if we get rescued." She shook her head. "We can't, we won't see each other, the only way I'll see you and this little one," she held her hand to her stomach, "is through a pane of glass." She sighed. "You know that Jack. Don't…don't…you can't ask me this!" She protested.

"Kate, I promise you, I'll do whatever it takes. We will be together. Will you marry me?" He asked, pleading with her.

Kate looked to the sand, and then slowly nodded. "Of course I will." She smiled slightly.

"I love you!" He told her as he kissed passionately.

* * *

"Daddy?" The tiny voice of Isabella interrupted Kate's thoughts. "Where's Daddy?"

"Daddy's sleeping, babe." She told her.

"Daddy's not here." Reyna stated.

"No Rey, he's just sleeping somewhere else." Kate explained.

"Oh." Reyna thought about it for a moment, and then nodded.

"Hi." Claire poked her head into the cave.

"Hi Claire." Kate greeted her, and the two twins twisted round to wave at her.

"How are you doing?" She asked Kate.

"Okay…I guess." She shrugged.

"You want me to take the girls, so that you can go see him?" She asked.

"Would you mind, Claire?" She asked, feeling the tears again.

"Of course not, I'd love to spend time with my favorite girls." Claire smiled. "I wish there was something we could do. I can't imagine what it's like. To see him like that."

"It's awful." Kate said, standing up, leaving her daughter's in the cave. "Thanks Claire." She gave her a quick hug before rushing off to Jack's side.

Taking a deep breath Kate walked into the medical cave, and looked down at Jack before looking up at Sun, who shook her head. No change. Kate sighed as she slowly made her way to his side. Kneeling beside him, she took his good hand, and raised it to her stomach, rubbing it soothingly, much like he'd done when she was pregnant with the twins. Kate noticed that Sun had once again left, so gently peeled his good arm away from his body, and wrapping it around herself, she curled up against him, arm slung tightly around his chest.

"Please Jack." She pleaded through her tears. "I need you." She finished, before laying her head upon his upper chest, and falling into a rhythmic sleep as she listened to Jack's heartbeat.

Whilst Kate was sleeping, Sun came in to check on Jack a couple of times, and smiled when the third time she saw his hand move, and eyes flutter open.

"Jack?" She asked kneeling behind him.

"Wha?" He spoke slowly and quietly. "What…happened?"

"After you came back, you told Kate she had to stitch you up; she did, but you'd already fallen unconscious. You've been out since yesterday afternoon." Sun carefully told him.

Jack tried to sit up, but Sun shook her head, and gestured towards Kate, upon seeing her Jack smiled weakly and fell back.

"She's finally sleeping, perhaps you could let her sleep a while?" Sun suggested. "The twins are fine, Claire's watching them."

Jack nodded, before Sun left again, and he gently turned his head to watch Kate sleep.

"Ka…Kate…Katie…" He whispered, but when she barely stirred he smiled softly, and wincing leaned to kiss her hair. "I hope you're dreaming of me." He managed to say, whilst running his hand up and down her back.

* * *

**A/N**:_ I'm still a review whore._

_So the last ep that aired here in the UK was the SERIOUSLY Jatey flash forward one – she said 'of course I will', haha, how happy that made me. I was like oh she didn't say, but then she did. Check me and my predictions out!_


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